Re: Depression

 

Did you once ask yourself, why do people get sad? Or it may be, why am I sad? When you ask yourself that question, what do you feel? When people tell you that they’re sad, what do you do? Do you cheer them up? Do you make fun of them? Do you make them feel sad even more? Do you remember what you did? Sit down and think.

Depression. What do you think is the meaning of this word? Hear me out. Depression is something people wouldn’t want to have—it’s a disease and it is not JUST a made-up word. Some people would think that it is something trivial or unimportant— something you can simply joke about. Well, news flash: It’s not. It’s an illness & many people try to dismiss the signs because of the stigma that comes with the sickness. It is not easy to deal with something that only you can fully understand. It isn’t easy to try and help people when they don’t trust you because they are scared and anxious that you might just be one of those people who think mental illness is “all in the head”.

This apparently is the representation of a depressed person’s mind.

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© https://dz9yg0snnohlc.cloudfront.net/10-depression-quotes-that-may-change-your-life-3.jpg

Depression is a sad and hard topic but it must be talked about. In fact, there are famous people who battled depression—according to http://www.health.com. One example is a Disney actress and singer Demi Lovato. She had been into a treatment facility for “emotional and physical issues” back in 2010. After all that, she came back with life back under control and revealed to people that she suffered from anorexia, bulimia, and bipolar disorder . She once said, and I quote, “For me, I suffered a lot with bipolar depression, which is not talked about. And, I wish people knew it wasn’t as easy as just becoming happy.”

People who invalidate others’ feelings is a part of why depression exists—they invalidate people’s feelings because its not something they have to deal with. When people ask you if you’re okay, you can’t even say a single thing because you’re afraid of being a burden and you’d rather keep the sadness inside. I remember reading somewhere—”Feeling not okay is part of being human.” and I don’t know what about that simple statement made me feel relieved again. It’s okay to be sad at times, but never let yourself drown in your own misery.

So bottom line is, before we dismiss people’s feelings and opinions, we should try to understand where they are coming from. Because basically, depressed people don’t need attention, the most you can do is understand. You see, depression isn’t something you’d laugh at. It is a serious matter which people don’t tend to realize.

Don’t wait for someone you love to succumb to depression before you acknowledge the reality. Be the voice of reason. MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT.

You, the one reading this. You matter. Your feelings matter. You’re doing amazing in braving through your struggles. You got this. 😉

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Okay—not.

We all have problems and I’ve come to think that my depression is different than your depression. So it’s pointless to compare. I am frustrated. And as much as I want to, I think it would be best if I distance myself. You see, I probably believe that no one will ever be able to feel the exact same thing you are feeling. Sure, we all experience the same emotions throughout something, but if I were to rate my frustration, it’ll be rated a mere 5 and yours would be 8 out of 10, maybe. We’re not all feeling the same, as you know it is, even when we think we know exactly what’s inside a person’s soul.

Time is relative. So is life, so are feelings. We tend to look at our own self and question things. Am I a problem? When we offer advice to someone, we overlook how that person responds or if they liked your advice in the first place. So we end up feeling down like we’ve been talking to walls, getting angry and feeling such feelings. The reality is, we never know if a person is hurting, we never really know if it’s our fault and that’s the problem. They might think it’s a joke or they might think they’re the only one suffering, but the fact is, we don’t like them feeling that way.

So here goes, you’re depressed. You’re battling depression and it makes you more sensitive to other people’s needs. You have to be in the middle wherein you have to understand yourself and understand others as well. You know that being depressed is not a choice, it depends on how life goes on with you. Then you remember each time you felt hurt or misunderstood by your friends and only managed to push you further into guilt.

But as they say, life goes on. Even though they made you feel like you made everything about yourself, again. You don’t know what to do and you don’t know how to behave anymore just to avoid making mistakes and making others angry at you again. Things were never quite the same again.

I know it was me who did you wrong, but it hurt me too.

Sorry.

What I’ve Learned About Life So Far

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            I’ve had some incredible life experiences and a worst one, actually. A 16-year-old girl with weird habits and such beliefs thinks that she have learned many things about life despite her young age. I’ve experienced different scenarios. If it’s up and down you say? A roller coaster ride? Well, that’s a big check on the list! It’s been a pretty wild ride! Scrolling some blog ideas, I thought I’d share things I’ve learned over my 16 years:

  • No one is perfect.

We all know that but we cannot change the fact that too many people wants to be perfect and consider themselves as one. No matter how great or enlightened people are, they’re still human. Always try to accept things that are much more worthy than complaining.

  • Always be positive! 

Though I don’t really think that the phrase is quite effective for me. I am much like an optimist-pessimist kind of person where  in different situations, I am both positive and negative. Well, It’s kind of hard to explain. We all know that life isn’t that easy but as much as possible, try to be positive and not worry things too much. Always remember that we’ll get through!

  • Karma is real. 

This is kind of awkward but this is true base on my experiences.  I’ve seen it happen way too often personally and for friends. If you give more, you’ll get more.

  • Try and try until you reach the goal!

Better not give up on anything unless there’s no reason for you to do it. But like ‘some people’ say “There’s always a reason for trying.”  Always always always do what you have to do and get high hopes! You’ll never know, it’ll all be worthy in the end.

  • No one knows yourself better than you.

I’ve learned that you don’t have to be someone just to be liked by others, unless you want to, you know the bad and good things in you and obviously,you’re the only one who’ll accept your flaws in the first place. Some people told me things that were flat out wrong, while others told me things that made sense. It was up to me to choose who and what to listen to and decide what course of action to take.

  • Gratitude is the key to someone’s happiness.

Always be grateful for what you have; no matter how bad things seem, there’s always someone who has it worse. Remember that “Gratitude is an attitude!”.

  • Don’t be afraid to try new things.

Back then, I always stick on the things I have and it’s kind of boring. Always be ready for adventures and as all my friends always say, “Wag kang KJ!” or kill joy to make it specific. Hahahaha! Don’t be afraid to explore things in this world even though it’ll change ‘other’ beliefs that you have in life.

  • Working hard doesn’t always mean working smart.

Just because you’re working tons of hours a day doesn’t mean you’re being efficient with your time. You still have to work hard to succeed, but if you’re not also organized and efficient, you’re just wasting time.

  • Don’t ever let little things get to you.

Do not ever be mad about something tiny and senseless issue. Don’t fight over someone just because of the things they have that you don’t own. You might win the fight, but you lose the battle. Don’t sweat the small stuff because little things don’t matter. Though I still get mad whenever there’s no food in the house. Lol

  • God always listens.

Whether it’s a small thing you’re asking, he’ll give it to you. Just always always and always believe that he can do it and as much as possible, try do not doubt him in any way possible because that’s just a silent scream that you don’t believe in him. Always pray and have faith, it’ll get better.

          And so, do not underestimate  a person about her life learnings just because she’s 16 years old. Lol, just kidding.

I’ll be having my Summer class/OJT next week so I think I’m not gonna be able to do blog posts because I’m gonna be very very busy. Hashtag summer is not real. Happy Saturday bruhs! :*

Issues

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Do you ever feel a time when you suddenly don’t want to be with your friends? Well, it’s not that you want to be alone or something but there’ll be the time like you’ll not be in the mood to be with them. You’re not comfortable around them kind of thing.

Unfortunately, I get to feel it most of the time and I totally hate it. Sometimes, I’ll just sit on a corner and just be quiet and I’ll be the one who’ll put myself into a bad mood. To the point where everyone pisses me off easily like I’d just stare at them with my most calm face that would irritate them. I’m that bad.

Okay. One reason? Attitude. So, I do accept the fact that I am a bipolar and the meanest person alive and I had to admit that I have the worst attitude a person might have (Well, was that too harsh? Yes, yes.) I get annoyed easily and it’ll maybe activate my maldita-mode so I distance myself to my friends. You know, I have my “bitch side” at times and also my “angel side”. I always try to deal with my bad mood though I find it very hard because I don’t want to harm the people around me especially my friends in any way. I don’t want to treat them like a totally useless or pity their self because of the things I say.

I could be tactless at times. Usually, that side comes out when I’m not in the mood. I don’t literally curse to people because I think it’s too rude and I also kind’a get hurt when someone says bad words to me but it’ll only take minutes depending on how the person said it. Sometimes, I lose control of myself; my temper gets into me so much.

Another matter is, I find it really awkward when you’re with your different set of friends. For example, you’re with your highschool and college friends AT THE SAME TIME and that was like super awkward! And I was like, “Hey guys,meet blah blah blah and meet blah blah blah!” kind of feeling. Okaaay guys? What are we going to talk about?! Totally don’t want to meet that scenario. I don’t know what I’ll say!

Okay. So there’s also a time when you feel like you’re out of place and you’d seriously be like “What the hell are you guys talking about?”. I would probably feel the hey-Im-here feeling. Am I a little too much? Sorryyy.

But hey, I love my friends. They bring out the craziness and weirdness in me. They’ve been true to me and there’s nothing I could ask for. I am one lucky human being, I say.

So alam niyo na how am I as a friend ha! Medyo brutal, ganon!

Anyways, to my friends.. I’m sorry. I know I never apologized personally for this attitude of mine but I thank you for bearing with it. Hope you guys understand. And to my bestfriendS bcos you’re so many (Lol, I don’t know who you all are. Kidding!) thank you for being there, well not always but still thank you and to those who are ignoring me and forgetting me and not updating me about their life status, hi there! I miss you weirdo!

P.S I had to brag about this.

Bitterlight Self

“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”
James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time

So, I’ve been thinking a lot of random things these past few weeks? I don’t know. But, there’s this one thing that seriously bothered me since (let’s not mention specific dates and days, ‘kay? ) up until now.  I don’t typically know why I am sharing this,well maybe because I have no one to tell this kind of stuff and I’m sure enough that my friends will get bored when I open up this kind of topic.

The “weird” thing that I am going to tell you is about a guy. Nope. Not like those ‘crush-y’ thingies and love whatnot that you are thinking.  If its not like those lovey-doveys, then what is it?  Well, that is kinda hard to explain. I guess, I’m still a little confused about this guy. But seriously speaking, the first thing I felt when I saw him, literally just ‘saw’ him, was hatred. I don’t really know. I don’t usually hate people.  Well, I hate ‘some’  human being that I know but atleast there’s a reason why I hate them right? And this guy is unfortunately kind of different. So, I’m not gonna mention his name here because it’s kinda privey. Hahahahaha! Wag na, baka magkagulo pa eh! Lol.

Aside from just seeing his face (that made me hate him. Peace!), there are those things with ‘s’ kasi madami talaga, like his innocent look “always”, his jawline (sorry), the way he talks and his accent “kuno” (totally irritates me), his hair which I think is like a broom (okay, now I’m too harsh), his ‘really too high’ confidence, his ‘pagpapakipot’ to the people around him.  But seriously, now that many days passed,  I hated him even more.

I didn’t like the feeling. I don’t like hating people just because of their looks or whatsoever about them. Pero, bat ganon? He totally irritates me! We’re not even close or better yet, we’re not even talking  pero ganto ko magsalita sa kanya. One time, I saw him looking at me, I stared back but then just rolled my eyes at him. I wonder if he noticed that? Nakakakilig? No. Didn’t feel that one coming. Oh, did I already said that he’s smart? Well, yes he is but nagiging ‘yabang’ lang sa paningin ko. I never thought that once you hate someone, you could possibly hate them even more. Nakakacurious lang. There are “some” people like me naman diba? Yung mahe-hate mo yung person pero wala naman siyang ginagawa sayo and you doesn’t even know him yet?  Hatred. Even I doesn’t like the feeling of being hated. Sino ba naman may gusto diba? Thinking about people who hates me made me curious about myself. I mean, what’s wrong with me? Why do they hate me too much? Is it my face chuchuchu? I never let ‘this guy’ know naman na I hate him. Why? Like I said, macucurious yung tao! 

I know what you’re thinking right now. Love? Eww. Kidding! Ang harsh ko na masyado kay koya! Hahahahaha. But telling you this kind of stuff made me feel better. Di ako nagpapapansin kaya ko pinost to! To tell you frankly, I always see his friends at the side of my eyes also looking at me and laughing, I don’t know what they’re laughing at, is it me? or other stuffs about me? Baka assuming ka lang teh! Paranoid ka lang friend, sus! Maybe. Maybe I’m not just paranoid that’s why I’m also starting to hate his friends. Well, not all. But, whenever I look at them, I always most of the time see them, like they’re laughing at me. Insecure lang? Yes I am. For the first time in my entire sweet and lovely life. I’m insecure. Because I don’t like people staring at me, laughing at me, kahit sino pa man dyan.

I do not believe in the saying that “The more you hate, the more you love.” I am beyond comparing myself to that kind of scenario. And didn’t even thought about that one and will never be. Saying all this stuff also made me feel like I’m a bad person. I don’t know. Kalurks! If it’s hate they say, I’m saying what I am thinking. Hope these days would just be normal. You know? Having no one to hate; for no apparent reason. I’ll get over my irritation. Well, it’ll maybe take a while.

“Negative emotions like hatred destroy our peace of mind.”

Yun.