You gave me half of your heart
but I wanted it whole.
You loved me
but not the way I wanted you to.
You were happy
and I was, too.

That's what I thought.

We talked.
We spent hours talking and laughing.
It felt like everything was the same.
When in fact,
we both know things have really changed.

I wanted to tell you things
I should've told you before.
I wanted to tell you
that I've grown tired from wandering,
hoping to find the pieces of myself.

But then, I didn't tell you still.

We were caught up 
by how perfect everything is.
Maybe we're just in love
with the idea of being together.
But in reality,
we were bound to meet but that ends there.

And it ended there— it ended that way.

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Okay—not.

We all have problems and I’ve come to think that my depression is different than your depression. So it’s pointless to compare. I am frustrated. And as much as I want to, I think it would be best if I distance myself. You see, I probably believe that no one will ever be able to feel the exact same thing you are feeling. Sure, we all experience the same emotions throughout something, but if I were to rate my frustration, it’ll be rated a mere 5 and yours would be 8 out of 10, maybe. We’re not all feeling the same, as you know it is, even when we think we know exactly what’s inside a person’s soul.

Time is relative. So is life, so are feelings. We tend to look at our own self and question things. Am I a problem? When we offer advice to someone, we overlook how that person responds or if they liked your advice in the first place. So we end up feeling down like we’ve been talking to walls, getting angry and feeling such feelings. The reality is, we never know if a person is hurting, we never really know if it’s our fault and that’s the problem. They might think it’s a joke or they might think they’re the only one suffering, but the fact is, we don’t like them feeling that way.

So here goes, you’re depressed. You’re battling depression and it makes you more sensitive to other people’s needs. You have to be in the middle wherein you have to understand yourself and understand others as well. You know that being depressed is not a choice, it depends on how life goes on with you. Then you remember each time you felt hurt or misunderstood by your friends and only managed to push you further into guilt.

But as they say, life goes on. Even though they made you feel like you made everything about yourself, again. You don’t know what to do and you don’t know how to behave anymore just to avoid making mistakes and making others angry at you again. Things were never quite the same again.

I know it was me who did you wrong, but it hurt me too.

Sorry.

Yes, she liked you.

She still search for you in crowds. She always wonder how a guy like you captured her heart. She kept her love at a safe distance because saying it out loud might scare you away. She still have doubts, yes. For every night she close her eyes and long inside for something more. Something she doesn’t think she can pursue. And that is, having you.

You are her world. She drew you in her world; she draw you all the time. You have that something in you that always makes her heart skip-a-beat. She dreamed of you. She dreamed of having you. She used to think she couldn’t go a day without your smile. Without hearing your voice and seeing your face. She likes you, yes she does.

For years she have seen you as the most precious thing that happened. But hearing the news, poached her heart. The certain feeling of being broken. Yes, you aren’t hers. That makes the situation more complicated. You are now with someone. Oh how her heart breaks hearing that phrase; how her tears fall hearing that phrase.

She liked you. Out of all these, all she could think of was “I did not know love until I met you.”. She does not know what love is, but always gets sad knowing that you weren’t really hers. You are all and now you were none; you are worth it but not to her. How could someone stop her for liking you? How could fate do this kind of spell? And yes, she knew that your presence might be nothing to her now.

Acceptance. Sometimes we want what we couldn’t —sometimes we love who we couldn’t. The timing is irrelevant. She had so much to figure out back then. You didn’t see her; you didn’t notice her. She was inivisible and I guess by now, she already moved on, with her feelings with her. She learned so much.

Yes, she liked you.

A Letter to Myself

To start of with, I am so proud of you. Life hasn’t been too easy on you lately, and things must’ve been hard for you to accept but despite it all, you have managed to live and continue fighting throughout.

There are so many things to be proud of; everything you have gone through, mostly, what you’ve become today.

Always remember that everything will make sense to you one day. Stop being so hard on yourself. I am sure that everything you do is truly worthwhile and as you always, always believe,everything happens for a reason. Everything will fall into place so be patient and trust yourself in everything you do. All the expectations in your head, let go of it all. Accept what reality has to offer; accept life for what it is.

Try not to let others get you down. Don’t take everything so personally. Most of the time, things have nothing to do with you so don’t mind worrying about it all. When people say something that would hurt your feelings, because you truly are a sensitive one, try to understand their side. What remains in the past, remains in the past. Not everything or not everyone is worth forgiving but always see how things roll in life and think about forgiving people even just for a little while.

Everybody’s not perfect, you should know that. But you are perfect—in a very beautiful way, especially  with your flaws. Accept the things that makes you different from others. You are unique, yes you are.

Even though you are broken, I know that you are stronger than anything that has tried to let you down. You’re really not broken as you think you are. You are a survivor in this world full of problems that people meet everyday. So with that, do not be so hard on yourself, we both know you’re doing everything that’ll make the most of it all.

Make the most of it all. Never let anyone get in way of your goals. Never ever give up on your hopes, your passions, your dreams. I know you can pursue it all. Always, always remember that someday you will discover what you are truly meant for in this world. Stop wasting time on people who do not believe in anything you can. Surround yourself with people who encourage and inspire you to be the best person you can be.

You are enough. You deserve everything; you deserve the world. You are beautiful. You are all. At the end of the day, all the things you do are the things that makes yourself a better being. Stop worrying too much.

Do not look for love. I mean, there is so much more to you than being someone else’s girlfriend. Frankly speaking, there is so much more to life than a guy. I know that you never experienced being in a relationship but always stay positive while waiting for love. You’re still young. Just because you have not found love yet, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved.

Be a good friend, be kind yo your family. Be selfless; do not think about yourself too much. But you should know that you have to love yourself first to be able to help other people.

You have been through a lot, we both know that. The world has tried to break you, even the person you didn’t know they’d do, but you never let them destroy what you’ve become. You are so strong, my dear. Thank the people in your past, for they have made you a stronger and better person today.

People will leave you. Not everyone in this world is meant to stay forever. Well, there will be some who would stay but always be ready for what life could do. Some will disappoint you, all you have to do is appreciate them for what they have taught you. Thank the people who have stayed. And as for the ones who have gone, you’re the one who knows what to do with them.

Thank you for everything you have taught yourself. Thank you for never giving up and being so tough despite the hard problems you’re getting yourself into. Stay strong, dear. You know you deserve better.

I am so proud of you.

She is in her cloud of confusion;
Thoughts baffled inside her head
Not minding what the time is
Only memories she cannot forget.

And she sighed and wept
for what things she couldn't have.
Every dream she hoped for,
and every time
she long inside for something more.

During these moments,
she wanted so desperately to leave
—to be home.
She wanted to be left alone
—with nothing than her thoughts
about all that could have been.

 

Saturday Current Doings | IV

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Hi! Finally! I am able to access my own blog after a long time…ish.(Well, not quite long) School’s about to start this Monday so I just feel like getting my fingertips to work a bit before I hit the sheets. Just to let you guys know, we are on to the last week of July! Days pass by so fast like I am totally unconscious about everything. Lol

CURRENTLY 

Reading—

tweets from the people who’s going to the . BTS is here. Jungkook is freaking here and we’re breathing the same polluted air! I am so inggit!!

Writing—

nothing, sadly. This is the only the time I get to use my laptop again—for writing and I don’t think I’d be able to compose an entry about how my life has been doing lately or my thoughts about some things. If I get a chance to catch up on things, I will try to compose some blog posts. I am so not ready for school yet.I do really miss writing! And it’s sad that I am not doing it as often as I used to before.

Listening—

to Everything by Michael Bublè. One of my faves!

Thinking—

what’s going to happen today. But I think it’ll be just the usual stuff, television, laptop and phone and sleep, I guess.

Craving—

ramen. I don’t know why I’m into ramen so much and the weather’s not accurate for me to eat ramen but I am still craving! Ugghhh

Feeling

happy! Kebs lang in life! It’s so nice to be happy sha la la la~

Wearing—

a plain orange v-neck shirt and blue shorts. The usual get-ups at home.

Hoping

days to pass by slowly. I still can’t accept the fact that school’s on Monday and I literally don’t know anything anymore. Lol, that explanation was OA. Ha-ha!

Loving—

Rupi Kaur’s Milk and Honey! ! I saw some parts of the book and I am totally in love with it! Will buy the book if I get to see it on NBS or other bookstores.

Needing—

a lot of sleep. Lalo’t magpapasukan na. I’m still sleepy  right now. Puyat pa more!!

Wishing—

for a pleasant day. Positivity everybody, that’s what we need.

Wanting—

to write more and read more. There are plenty of things I need to catch up on!

 

 So that’s it! I just really wanted to write and update my blog.  I wish to have more time to write new stuff. My fingers are always itching to write! Oh di ba, sobrang busy lang ng lola nyo! Haha! Anyway, happy happy lang! Positivity all the way!

Have a great weekend, everybody!

Au revoir

I can never forget
The first time you looked at me,
Overwhelming as it seems
Yet, it feels new;
How surreal it is
 every time I was with you.

Butterflies, butterflies
It was the most exciting feeling 
you have given me;
You gave me the love
But not much more than I think I deserve.

But then, it was the timing
that felt wrong
We are meant to spend good time together;
That is everything we had that
felt so right.

You left me
without having the courage of saying goodbye
I never really asked you to stay
Because I thought you would never leave
And the mere fact
of you being out of my life
hurts so much.

"Is this love I am feeling?"
I always ask myself.
But it feels like
I am not there yet;
I feel like
it is just in the mind
and not in the heart–
you are invading.

The thought convinced me;
I may not be
really in love with you yet.
We're too young;
Too young to know what love is;
Too immature to explain such things.

And I know that
It was just a fleeting feeling.
We still have a lot to learn;
And the world has a lot to offer.
Until then
think both ways;
Life isn't always the way it should be.
It'll take some time to get over you,
But we'll probably meet our other half.

Til next, goodbye.