Birthday Blues

So today’s my birthday. The word birthday itself comes with a lot of expectations and such. I don’t know why but I’m not expecting much; I didn’t expect much. I woke up today feeling lonely, a little blue or should I say, I’m getting birthday blues today. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful for everything that’s happening. I don’t want extravagant gifts, but what I’d really love is a birthday present that had some real thought put behind it, rather than something that was bought in the sales is a bit of an afterthought. But, it’s still not about the gifts, I feel sad and don’t judge me but I seriously am crying since I woke up and I don’t know the reason.

I am not sorry to say that yes, I am sad and I can’t answer why so don’t ask. Do even people realize that it has been a whole year and we haven’t talked and today you give me wishes on the name of bloody formality. Every year, same story and with each birthday, today actually felt worse, not because I don’t like getting old, which I surprisingly love, but it was just something else.

Deeply,  I would wish for this day to never exist or I just don’t want to be depressed again. I kept pushing myself in my head, it is just a normal day. People around me are trying to make me happy today just because it is my special day. Glad I still feel loved, after all. 

I usually had my thought about birthdays and that is, birthdays are celebrated because the people around you are grateful that you’re here. But to think of it, I’m already legalized(?) I’m already 18 and I don’t feel like it. Lol. Still, thanks for the greetings you guys, please do take note that I know the real ones and I know the fake ones and for that, I’m still glad you spend seconds of your time typing happy birthday to me.

Anywaaaaays, happy 18th, self. (Ang saya sa picture, dibuh)

18, ew.

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